Poppa Shush
I talk a lot.
A boss of mine once said I leaked words.
So when it comes to my son, it’s no surprise that I am obsessed with his speech.
Despite the weirdness of ‘Alexa’ being one of his first words, his early emerging language was pretty much uneventful. A flurry of solo words spontaneously appeared and then disappeared as quickly as they came. Many of them I encouraged - or demanded. My favorite words became his first. Book, Poppa, Nachos.
But he is taking his own sweet time putting sentences together.
Our speech therapist told us not to worry, there are brain thresholds for the emergence of language. For example, they have to master 50 single words before they start to put together two. Really? 50. Not 49 or 51. They have formulas and scales and graphs to explain it all.
Personally, I don’t think any of it is strictly scientific. A lot of their early development is socially influenced and a tad bit magical. One of the boys in our circle was speaking in full sentences long before he was 18 months. He has two older sisters who talk at him and to him nonstop. (I’m also told that his Blippi obsession gets credit for language).
In contrast to many homes, ours is pretty quiet. A single dad, son and dog hunkered down in a pandemic, there is not a lot of conversation being modeled. And I’m sure he is pretty tired of listening to me. Which explains the first two words he put together: Poppa Shush.
Poppa Shush was his first two-word phrase and though I don’t think he knew exactly what it meant, it meant something important for me.
It was as clear as day and with a furled brow and pointed finger that suggested he knew what he was saying. I’m sure he didn’t come up with it on his own. We were on a rare playdate and he was with one of my goddaughters who is 5. He came rushing out in one of her princess dresses and shouted, Poppa shush! They both ran back in the room giggling. It was funny and got a pretty good reaction from everyone. And I was relieved. Besides what he actually said, he crossed over into a new phase of development.
There no question about it - the onset of language is a real game change for new parents.
“Words give us a rare window into what’s going on in their brains – they are early indicators of personality and frankly a new way of getting to know them. After a dozen or more months of non-verbal communication and babbles and whines - we are hungry to connect with them and know them deeper. We want more. (By the way, more is by far his favorite word.) ”
Unlike other milestones - sitting up, crawling, and many gross and fine motor skills - I found zero consistency in speech. Every kid’s pattern and timing is as unique as their fingerprint. But it is hard to not to worry that something is wrong - especially when comparing it to others.
Compare = despair. And yet we do it anyway.
While he plays, reads, or just wanders around, language is magically forming and I have nothing to do with it.
Every speech journey has it’s own rhyme, rhythm and route. My son’s on-ramp seems to be music. If I sing it, he captures it immediately AND his face truly lights up. If I use a flash card or drill him, he shuts down. So I have loosened up a lot and Instead of talking to him about talking, I simply take his advice.
“Sometimes, just sitting in silence in the best parenting advice of all. When I get quiet, I can see the bigger picture. He isn’t just learning to speak - he is finding his voice. ”
I believe that creating a safe space for him to find his voice is the most important thing I will do and it' starts right now. I want him to know that he is being heard. Maybe when he said, poppa shush - he was telling me to let me speak on his own terms. Or maybe he really did just want me to stop talking. Either way, I gave up telling him what to do and I started to hear what he really had to say.
When I’m not overly concerned about his development, I am curious and surprised and delighted by who he is becoming. That’s when instead of him repeating colors, letters and numbers - meaningful phrases start to pour out of him - I LOVE YOU, HUGS PLEASE and PEACE TIME.
Words matter to me and it matters which ones he embraces, not how many, in what order and and at what age.
We think we are teaching them but they are really schooling us. Turns out, when it comes to communication, he is training me to be a better listener.
Words that matter and that have meaning are everywhere and when they start to not just say them but to understand them, it doesn’t matter how many other words or sentences they have mastered.
TIPS AND TRICKS:
W.A.I.T. (Why am I talking?)
I love this acronym. When I ask this question before I open my mouth, I usually don’t open my mouth at all or if I do, I get clear as to what I’m going to say and how is best to express it.
Don’t always use ‘use your words.’
It’s a classic go-to technique to stop the whining and it can work but I always try to find a gentler way to encourage him. I replace it with my own personal words of engagement like, Tell me what you want? What do you need? How do you feel? or I’m listening, tell me how can I help you?
Remember language is about more than just words.
It’s about communication. I try to ask myself - is he understanding me and expressing himself in unique different ways? Body language, facial expressions, etc. I breathe and then remind myself that this is one of the most fragile and fabulous parts of who he is becoming.