Screen Time in the Time of Corona
Absolutely no screens until my son is 2.
I made a vow. I don’t remember how I arrived at the magic number. Could have been a random instinct or I might have read a think piece from some trendy pop child psychologist. No matter where it came from, I was determined to hold off. Our music classes, play dates, parks, beaches and everything in the world being experienced through the lens of a toddler was so deep and rich - we didn’t need the 2D world. Besides, I didn’t want to be stuck in the house while he was glued to a screen.
Last month, a friend visited from New York City and after a few culturally rich days including a trip to the Broad, trolling the downtown food stalls and a visit to the fancy new playground at Pan Pacific Park, he remarked: Kid needs a kindle!
I don’t think he felt I was depriving my son of a vast bottomless well of passive entertainment. I think he just saw a single father who needed a break.
When we returned home from a family beach vacation in Oregon, there it was - the Amazon box on our front step. Inside, a brand new kid’s kindle in a stylish protective plastic blue case. The box itself was good for a few days of distraction. He loved the color and pictures; he read it while he ate, held it when he went to sleep. He even kissed it. Little did he know, the box was empty - I had removed the kindle and put it on a shelf until his birthday in June.
The Kindle Box is more fun than the kindle. At least at first.
To screen or not to screen. That is not the question.
Let me be clear, I am not opposed to screens or media. I’m a writer in the entertainment industry and a big fan of stories well told. As for technology, we have FaceTimed with my parents every day, twice a day since he was born. But the question of how and when to introduce it, is a big question for many parents. I recall a chat with a mamma friend early on where we debated exposing our babies to the on-line world. We agreed they were born into a digital world so protecting them from technology is not only futile - it might not even a good idea.
When the virus become a reality, our reality changed overnight. Parks closed, music classes went virtual, playdates vanished. Without missing a beat, the digital world came into our home. There was no question of when, it was a matter of what.
When the parks started to look like crime scenes, we started to look for safer and friendlier places to visit - like Sesame Street.
Most of us grew up in a time of passive television. Today, we have the power to choose what, when and how to watch. I have no answers about screen time but I do have a general rule of thumb - everything in balance. For now, I have started to schedule it into our day. We watch the same shows at the same time and same place. This keeps it contained (pardon the expression).
I have chosen to turn screen time into a ritualized part of our day - scheduling it the same way I scheduled play dates, mealtime and nap.
In terms of content - the choices can be a bit more overwhelming. I have started with tried and true basics. Mr. Rogers Neighborhood is a timeless message that seems more timely than ever. And I always admired Sesame Street, but lately I’ve been blown away by just how relevant it is. Still. (And there are 40 seasons, just in case this pandemic stretches out.)
Friends in digital places.
I have to admit though, as great as the content is, I really don’t like the slightly glazed look that comes over him when he’s watching a screen. I’d rather he be alive with flesh and blood humans - engaging all of his senses. But for the time being, that’s not possible. And in a moment where he can’t be with his friends - he is making new ones - the characters that were my friends as a child.
Big Bird is a friend for the generations.
Right now, parents (especially solo parents) need to give themselves a break. Literally. It is not humanly possible to work, home school, cook and clean and do child care without a break.. Technology is a tool that is more important than ever - and it’s never been a better time to explore it. In between the guilt of not being present enough, I have found that being inventive and creative with the time they spend with technology helps ease my mind.
The digital world came into our life earlier than I had planned but this is the very nature of parenting - to pivot. Everyday that we are in this pause, I am more and more grateful to have it. From Facetiming bedtime stories with family and friends - to interacting with some of my favorite childhood shows - I have found inspiring and shared experiences being born not in spite of screen time but actually because of it.
And let’s face it, while he’s engaged with the kindle, I can actually get some work done - on my iPad.
And that is the world that we are living in right now.
Thoughts and Tips:
KEEP IT CONTAINED.
Choose a specific time and place where technology happens and make it part of your and their daily routine.
ABSOLUTELY NO ROAMING.
Stay put. Stay in charge. It’s easy to let them drive and control the device, but try to navigate it for them.
CONNECTION FIRST.
Do a virtual playdate with one a friend - one on one on FaceTime or Whats App.
CREATIVITY RULES.
Stage a puppet show with Aunties or Uncles.
Use FaceTime at BedTime: Have guest friends and family members read their favorite books.
HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY.
Turning it off is where the real work begins. It requires patience and skillfulness. Do it gently and have an activity planned to move right into. I like to read one of his favorite books with him immediately following the screen time.
Inspirations & Resources:
LIVE STORYTELLING
Oliver Jeffries reads a book a day reads his books for free.
A-Z RESOURCES
Sesame Street has launched free ebooks and other goodies on this site.